NIKE
Community takeover
Unofficial. Satirical.
Not affiliated with Nike, Inc.
One of the greatest brands on earth has entered community management.
consulting engagement terminated.
Old Nike
Just didn't.
$NIKE
Just CTO it.
The ticker survived.
Management didn't.
Notice of removal — index committee
Form 100-EVICT
After ~18 years
Nike has been asked to leave the S&P 100.
Effective
21.09.2026
“We wish the previous management success in its future endeavours.”
Footnote: still in the S&P 500. Relax.
apparently revenue was important.
We reviewed the previous strategy.
It was very thorough.
Exhibit A — resource allocation, FY review
- 47%Brand purpose
- 28%Internal alignment
- 14%Culture
- 8%Consultants
- 2%Actual shoes
- 1%Asking customers what they want
lmfao
Exhibit B — floor plan, HQ level 3
Exhibit C — vendor invoice, retained advisors
Statement of work
Terms: net 30
- Brand purpose refinement$4,000,000
- Cultural positioning$3,200,000
- Narrative architecture$4,700,000
- Making better shoesNOT IN SCOPE
who approved this shit
culture deck deleted. design team unmuted.
Internal memo — strategy, revised
The new strategy.
- 1.Make good shoes.
- 2.Sell good shoes.
- 3.Repeat.
What about everything else?
No.
Just CTO it.
Official portrait — new management
Press release — for immediate release
Nike announces new leadership
- Name
- The community
- Role
- Chief turnaround officer
- Ticker
- $NIKE
“Just CTO It.”
No MBA.
No consultants.
No 84-slide purpose deck.
Just the internet fixing Nike.
Corporate system — HR module v2.1
Employee
Nike, Inc.
Manager
The community
| Product quality | EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS |
|---|---|
| Brand recognition | EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS |
| Running shoes | EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS |
| Posting | NEEDS IMPROVEMENT |
| Shareholder happiness | PLEASE SCHEDULE MEETING |
Manager comment
“Great shoes. Terrible posting. We’ll take it from here.”
new strategy just dropped: good shoe.
Internal documents
Leaks from new management. Handling: careless.
The company had a ticker.
The community has one too.
This is a meme.
Not Nike, Inc.
Not financial advice.
Definitely not management advice.
management is temporary. swoosh is forever.